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In this episode, Jay and Mike discuss and explore grief. Grief is an inevitable part of life. Whether it is a sudden situation or something that is known and anticipated, it is nonetheless difficult. Often times, we have regrets of things unsaid or undone — which further adds to our pain. Grief is not limited to the loss of a loved one. Changes in circumstances or situations can also trigger grief. While grief is inevitable, we need not allow others — or ourselves — to suffer through it alone. God calls us to share our burdens — especially grief — with each other.
Discussion Questions
Download Episode 9 – Pod Club Resource Guide
The questions below are based on the Show Notes below.
- Is there someone in your life that if they suddenly passed away you wished you had told them what they meant to you? What action will you take to rectify that situation?
- Is there anyone in your life to whom you owe an apology or with whom you need to make things “right”?
- What changes are you grieving right now? Given the 5 stages of grief shared in the episode and in the notes below, what stage do you think you might be in?
- Who do you know who is grieving a loss of some kind? What could you do to help them through that grief? What will you do and when will you do it?
Show Notes
On today’s episode of Retreat Radio Show we discussed the topic of grieving. This episode didn’t follow our normal format or structure. Did you notice that we didn’t share a reading from the bible? Also, we didn’t pose any questions for our community to ponder and reflect on. This episode wasn’t planned (by us), it was a result of Jay sharing his feelings with Mike prior to this recording session. We called an audible (football term) just prior to hitting the record button. God does work through and in us!
In the first topic discussed today, Jay shared a story about the sudden death of a close member of his church choir. Mick was 80 years old and came to church that past Sunday and told Jay that he fell and showed Jay where his hand was scrapped and bleeding. In hindsight, Jay wished he asked more probing questions of Mick about his fall. Apparently, Mick bumped his head too from the fall and had bleeding on the brain. Maybe if Mick sought immediate medical attention, he would still be alive today. Jay believes that it was God’s will, and it was his time to sing in heaven. Jay’s regret wasn’t that Mick passed, but not knowing that was the last time he would see his old friend. Because if Jay knew, he would have told Mick how much he cared, and appreciated him, and gave him a big hug.
Mike also asked about Jay’s oldest sister who was also dealing with some very serious health issues. Jay said that he and his brother were planning to drive across the state later that week to visit her. Unfortunately, Jay’s sister passed away just hours before he and his brothers planned a trip to see her. Again, another lost opportunity for Jay to share his thought and feeling with a loved one.
Mike urged the community to jot down a name of a family member or friend who they may have lost contact with and make a point to reach out to them via email, text, phone call, or to pay them a visit. Jay’s experiences this past week are a reminder that life is short, and we need to mend or build lost relationships.
Mike shared his story about the last few months of time he got to spend with his father before he passed. Mike said he asked and was shocked that his dad accepted the invitation to join him on a White House retreat. It was evident to Mike that the result of this weekend was an act of God. It provided the vehicle to make amends and for the two of them to have some great father and son discussions.
Jay talked about his parents and how they both died from terminal illnesses which allowed Jay time to deal with the grieving. Jay shared how his prayers for his parents changed during this time. He said he prayed to God that the Lord took them to heaven and for them to no longer be in pain.
Mike said his Mom also died from a terminal illness, brain cancer. He said that with brain cancer you don’t feel any pain, but your memory from day to day can be totally different. Mike said his mom was his rock and that he credits her for his strong belief and faith. Mike reminded us all that life on earth is just a period of transition. We all have another journey awaiting us!
In 1969 psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross introduced what today is know as the five stages of grief.
- Denial – It can’t be happening
- Anger – Why is this happening to me
- Bargaining – If this doesn’t happen, I’ll do _____ in exchange.
- Depression – Too upset to do anything for me or others
- Acceptance – Embraced and accepted what happened
Jay cautioned the community that another concern that could come from grieving is to use alcohol or drugs to escape the reality of what happened. This is a very dangerous and slippery slope that people must recognize and take steps to prevent. The other major issue people have with grieving is depression. There are many resources available if you’re having a difficult time dealing with grief.
Mike pointed out that grief isn’t limited to death. Grief comes in many forms and for multiple reasons, some examples are divorce, loss of a job, overlooked for promotion, a best friend moving, change in church leadership, etc..